Every morning, I would take my probiotics. And every night, I would take my Klonopin.
Well, almost every night. I never took more but truthfully, I often took less.
I would skip doses, take half of what was prescribed, then take the prescribed amount for a while.
I went off of it once, completely, about two years in. I ended up in the emergency room with a massive panic attack that I thought was my heart. The doctor put me back on the clonazepam and told me to take it religiously. I did, and felt like me again.
But…
But…
But…
I knew it could be abused. It didn’t feel comfortable.
However life gets life-ier, and it again became interwoven into my daily fabric.
Then, about eight years ago, I realized the medication wasn’t working as well as it used to. I was depressed and had insomnia. The doctor added an anti-depressant in the morning. I started experiencing unexplained chronic pain in my spine and hips. The doctor prescribed me a painkiller. My asthma came back after a 20-year break: Here’s some steroids and an inhaler.
Suddenly, I was a 200-pound woman (I’m five feet tall) in constant pain and depression.
It became clear that something was really wrong with my hip. And I needed a hip replacement.
But my weight was out-of-control, ballooning up no matter what diet I tried.
I surrendered to weight loss surgery, and I’m so glad I did.
I had a total left hip replacement as well, and after a few months, my body started to feel, well, good.
The pain was gone, so there goes the painkiller. I weaned myself off of the anti-depressant and substituted health eating and a yoga practice. In fact, I went through yoga teacher training with the Jaguar Path School of Yoga and Shamanism. I felt so incredibly great. The asthma disappeared.
Now I was done to just one – that pesky Klonopin. But my life was lifey and filled with wonder at my new body, my better life and health. It would just have to wait.